What's up with Roles?
As we launch Divanation, we work to get our hands 'round the best way to "term" what we have been terming as Roles. Roles are the things women do for which they feel responsible, those things for which they take responsibility, both on their own accord and by and through the expectations of others. In taking up or living in Roles, the chances of getting lost or the temptation to meet someone else's or social expectations come into play. When that happens, there's the likelihood that the callings that drive us get covered over--subsequently we often try to be perfect, or everything to everyone. When we do this work, life, and day-to-day living become hectic and overwhelming. When we are in that place we loose sight of the relationships that are truly meaningful to us. It is in these relationships that we find our identity, our passions, our callings--the colorful richness of living. When in our Roles, in trying to be perfect, we find only distance and distress and frustration.
We are interested in thoughts you have. How do you experience those instances of Perfect...How do you find your Passion, and reclaim your relationships?
posted by Divanation @ 6:27 PM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
Interesting concept: Role vs 'real' relationship to ourselves and others in our lives. The "role" that gets me most bogged down in my family is being the "Eldest", the "Big Sister" especially with Mom gone and Dad in need of eldercare with yours truly as primary caregiver. In my marriage, the role that I struggle with is being a "Success", which is challenging since up until this point I've been the primary "Breadwinner".
I find myself most interested in the motivations that drive the choice of roles. Women and men are driven to choose roles in life based on their own passions and concerns but also influenced by social conditioning. What makes the process different for women? Are we more subject to certain types of social conditioning than men? How much do we operate from our own passions and concerns, and how much from social conditioning? What limits us more, the perceptions of others, our ideas about the perceptions of others, or our own perceptions of self? How do we bring a more grounded, authentic sense of self to the process of assuming roles in life? How do we live into our roles without being consumed by the expectations that the role presents?
Is striving for perfection, or feeling compelled to be perfect, necessarily role, rather than relationship- related? The times I've felt pressured to be perfect were related to my role in a relationship - daughter, wife, friend, student - thus the relationship and what I felt I needed to bring to the relationship, dictated my role. I guess what I'm saying is that there doesn't seem to be a clear delination between roles and relationships - as the examples listed in the first comment would also suggest. So there are no roles without relationships of one sort or another, right? It is when the pressures and complications of major relationships mount that roles get confused and passion gets lost.
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